MANADERA, Kenya, Mar, 27- Ismael Shukri, 35, a father of three is living a disturbed life after his wife of six years scalded him with hot oil.
For two years now, he is yet to accept to live with the scars he sustained in a domestic dispute.
On August 20, 2019, Shukri returned to his rented house in Mandera town unaware of his wife’s plan that evening.
“I returned home but my wife was just indoors unlike other days when I could find her with children sitting outside,” he said during an interview with Shahidi News.
At about 8 pm, when supper is served, his dear wife came out with a small basin and some water in a jar. This made Shukri believe it was time to be served food.
“She went back only to walk out with a sufuria and splashed something hot on me. I was shocked as I felt a hot substance all over my body,” he said.
He said he realized it was hot cooking oil after struggling to undress.
His neighbours responded and rushed him to Mandera County Referral Hospital where was admitted for three weeks.
According to the medical records, Shukri suffered 60 percent burns.
The matter was never reported to the police on grounds that it was abnormal for a woman to assault a man in the Somali culture.
The bone of contention was Shukri’s plan to marry a second wife.
“My wife did not want me to marry another wife and yet our religion and culture allows me to marry up to four wives,” he said.
He said the matter could raise a lot of attention if he reported the same to the police.
“You see, police could have arrested her and charged her in court where many people could know of my predicaments, it is against our culture for a man to be subdued by a woman,” he said, insisting that his peers could see him as a weaker man making him a laughing stock.
“How do you tell your fellow men that these injuries were caused by a woman? Those who don’t know my story I always tell them I fell in a sufuria with hot water,” he said.
In Mandera and among the Somalis, it is considered taboo for a man to be assaulted by his wife.
Men beaten or harassed by their wives are considered weaker ‘creatures’ and are never allowed in a men’s sitting.
“If a Somali man is beaten or controlled by his wife then automatically he loses his respect among his peers,” Hassan Alio, an elder said.
He said most men would prefer to suffer in silence at the expense of becoming a laughing stock.
According to Alio, it is rare to find men assaulted by their wives since most husbands are never at home all day.
“A Somali man will leave his home as early as 6 am and return at about 9 pm. He has little time to interact with his wife hence reducing conflict,” he said.
Abdikadir Ali, an Islamic scholar said it was rare for men to be humiliated by their wives since it was against Islam.
“It is against Islam for a woman even to attempt beat up his husband and this law has led to low cases of men being harassed by their wives,” he said.
Farhya Alinoor, Mandera County Chief Officer in charge of social services said the county has continued to record low numbers on Gender-Based Violence against men.
“We have low numbers of cases of men assaulted by their wives in Mandera courtesy of religion and culture,” she said.
She said it was taboo for a man to report any violence against him fearing he will become a laughing stock.
“Men are free to divorce and marry other women. Where there is a complication in the marriage, the solution is always divorce and the man moves on,” she said.
Mohamed Abdi said his friend was assaulted by his wife and decided to end the marriage locally.
“She stubbed my friend over food and the matter was resolved by the clan elders through our Maslah system,” he said.
Shukri’s matter is also under the elders and they are yet to deliver their ruling.
“Most of the gender-based violence cases end at the family level headed by the clan elders,” Mandera town Sub-County Police Commander (SCPC) Erick Ngetich.
He said the police station’s desk rarely records gender cases against men but even the few reported are quickly withdrawn and referred to Maslah.
Maslah is an informal dispute resolution mechanism largely practiced among the Somalis where a certain amount of money is paid to the victim.
Ngetich cited culture and religion for the low numbers of cases reported.
“Most men in this part of the country would prefer to suffer in silence rather than have their cases prosecuted in public. We have men really suffering but they just cannot report,” he said.
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